"Don't hold it back. Express"...

"I am sorry." Vahida politely said.
"Why are you saying sorry?" Vinit asked with surprise.
"Actually, I am feeling beacuse I got angry at you."
"So what? You were right. I created mess in the kitchen you had cleaned with great effort in the morning. It was very natural for you to get disappointed and hence angry."
" No but I shouldn't have got angry." Vahida was still apologising.
" Vahi... Just chill... Don't think so much. I didn't feel bad. Rather I got happy beacuse you expressed your emotions which you had not done since we got married."
Vahida smiled hesitatingly.

There are many Vahida around us ( and unfortunately less number of Vinit... Huh!) Have you seen them? Or is it you only, who regret about getting angry? Yes? Oh. But why?

Anger is one of the basic emotions which every human being feels some or the other time. But women have been conditioned to not show, express this emotion. They have been taught to suppress this emotion. Why? Why do we attach masculinity to such a natural emotion which we all - men and women feel?

It has been taught girls that they shouldn't get angry. If they do so they should regret. Why? Is becoming angry a monopoly only of men? Can't women get angry ever?

In this male dominated society, women's anger has been suppressed since a long time and hence I guess today women are at high risk of depression. Studies have concluded that in depression, large constituent is an anger or specific type of anger resulting from actual or perceived loss or rejection. Now there are various reasons due to which women feel rejected and powerless. The one of the most important reasons is definitely the 'patriarchy'.

Since childhood only girls are conditioned to be soft and nice with everything they encounter, not with just people but with objects also which they handle. We always give barbie dolls, kitchen sets, soft toys etc to girls as a gift while to boys we always give something like bikes, guns, bat and ball etc as a gift. Even our gifts are gendered. Why? Is it a case that we want only our girls to be soft hearted, sweet and anger free and don't want our boys to keep a warm heart?

Thank God, nowadays we can see at least some women opening their mouth to express their anger. But the number is very small. But unfortunately such women are often looked down upon, not only by men but also by women. Sounds strange right? But it's true. Research has shown that female employees can digest aggressive behaviour of their male superiors but can't tolerate an aggressive female superior. Isn't it a sad reality? This is nothing but the fruit of the 'Patriarchy'.

One more thing I want to highlight about the ill effect of patriarchy in this case and I.e. you can see elder women (Who have spent sufficient time in the house of marriage and have kids, especially those who are mothers of sons and specially mother in law's of girls) expressing anger comparatively in more direct and explicit way than those women who are unmarried or just newly married. This is beacuse in country like India, 'getting married', 'having a kid and specially a son', 'being a mother in law especially that of a girl' and 'being one who have invested a lot(physically and emotionally) in a house' give a higher position of power to a woman and hence they get a unwritten permission to express their anger. Patriarchy has not divided human being into just two genders but also has divided genders in subcategories, at different layers. What an unpleasing truth!

So dear women, don't get stressed unnecessarily. If you feel anger inside, express it. Don't hold on. It will backfire. It will make you nothing but displace it on some other submissive creature. You will be forced to get into the verbal fights in local trains by this suppressed anger the one which has not been expressed at appropriate place. It will put you on risks of various physical and psychological problems. So why are you holding on it? Just express it (of course in healthy way)and get rid of it.

Yes, here I am desiring a change, a constructive change. I hope new age men also would facilitate this change by responding like a Vinit and by encouraging a woman in their life to express her anger.

At last but not the least, for one more time,
Dear women, kindly express your anger.
Take care. :)

- Dipti S. A. Shinde